Parental love and discipline – the right mix
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Kids are spoiled rotten, have no sense of responsibility and give attitude: It's all your fault, what will you do for me today? "The solution? Quit overprotecting children and send them to the school of hard knocks; Throw in some hitting with, it'll succeed.
And then there's the opposite advice. Consequences and opportunities to be punished. They are not good for children and the amount of withholding your love. The parents must feel at any price a child ill to be avoided. It isConditional love and children need unconditional love.
This is the confusing advise parents face when it comes to raising children, the most demanding and complex work can do any, occurs. And nobody wants to mess up her child. So what is a parent to do?
Use a hybrid approach. Mix together both the school of hard knocks and unconditional love approaches, both have some good points. It really works, based on my more than forty years as a child mental health counselor. We are first a smallClassroom work and with the hybrid concept demo.
Kids 101: Three Must-Know Facts About Kids
1st Kids do not want to feel bad when they get into trouble, they want a good feel liked and accepted (do not we all?). This is the most common concern I heard, have a way or another, of more than 2,500 children I've got.
If a child makes a mistake, he feels he is automatically a bad person. If it happens too often, he will create a belief that he is bad-not goodThing. Children can not separate from their mistakes, they are as a person. Why? All too often parents focus their frustration on the problem and not just a pinch of understanding. (I will cover what parents can use this in just one minute to do.) If a child feel regret for a mistake? Absolutely. But the bad person is part of overkill, decreases self-confidence, and must be avoided as often as possible.
2nd Kids need firm, consistent, respectful boundaries, and they must be allowedfail and learn from their mistakes. The need to love and be evaluated is a child of the greatest motivator in life. Learning to think of as acceptable behavior, right from wrong, healthy way, and how to handle failure is for the love of others and I am confident about themselves too seriously.
It is for parents to see a disturbed child, if borders are set (more than a third of parents set limits not just for this reason, hard, according to a recent study). He is angry about changes to expect. But restinsured, deep inside a child knows acceptable behavior is the way to go.
3rd Emotions trigger behavior. Adam hits his sister. He is angry and handles the feeling by hitting. Jamie does not do their homework. It has failed in several subjects super discouraged, and handles its discouragement by giving up. If the feelings are not addressed, the problem worse, and decreases self-confidence.
101 Parents: Beware of Work Three Tendencies Parenting Not really
1stThe parents take their child is a "Mini Me". Liz is a Drama Queen Mom is quiet and reserved. Mom constantly frustrated and their relationship deteriorated. If personalities are different, adjust the parents more in their child's personality, and must, of course, need to help mom, Liz, in order not to act like a king all the time.
2nd The parents are focused almost exclusively on the problem during the discipline and miss the feelings of the problem caused. If feelings are wrong to feel a child is not understood.Mix in the understanding of feelings with discipline causes kids to feel valued as a person, even if they have dirt and correct their behavior.
3rd Parents often use excessive anger (face, voice, my words) to change their children, their behavior. But this approach in the way of the children the best you have to offer. Of course you'll blow it sometimes, and a stern look, words and voice are essential if your child training for good behavior. But too muchFrustration leads to children feel bad. Thinking about something does not work if there is too much frustration. Just leave the room and come back when you are calmer.
Now for the hybrid approach in action.
Ten-year-old Aaron lies and says that there is no math homework (this goes for almost a month). His father first asks why Aaron's (lying feelings first = unconditional love). Aaron's given up in math, and by asking questions, finds Dad a lot of reasons for Aaron'sgive up. Although Aaron does not want a tutor, makes it a requirement Papa (hard beats).
Sixteen-year-old Amber often blows to her mother with a few swear words, when confronted in Mom they do not have homework done or mixed over texting. Instead of arguing, Mom changes in their tactics. You hear from Amber, Amber says, repeating what (without "but"). Then Mom Amber supported by some understanding comments and annoying change of schedule to better meet needs of Amber (feelingsfirst). Then it will be Amber's cell phone is told off for two days for every swear word (hard strokes taken).
Phew! The teaching and training part of parenthood is grueling! With the hard knocks approach is important, but make sure that your child feels valued and accepted.
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